thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
