I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
