im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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