I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
