according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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