I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
