You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
