theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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