On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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