he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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