No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
