Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
