3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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