Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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