I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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