Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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