There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
