He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
