Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
