Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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