his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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