What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
