i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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