he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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