I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
