i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm really busy with my period
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