I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
