I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
