dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
