I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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