Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize