Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
smell my finger.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
