It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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