he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
