I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
