And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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