I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
