I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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