Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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