Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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