a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
two words...techno handjob
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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