wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
