the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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