He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
