Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
