I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
