Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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