I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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