and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
