best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
