I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
