I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
handjob tips. give me some.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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