the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
