Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
