Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
