my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
