don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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