did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
