I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
