...so i touched it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You dont lie about slip and slides
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
