Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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