the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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