Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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