I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
