You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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