so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
