Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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