if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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