"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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