The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
