meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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