I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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