How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
