Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
