my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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