is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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