when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
