you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dicks are not precious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
