I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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