Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
