hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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