i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
