THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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