Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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