He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
