Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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