Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
