Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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