We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.