You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?