ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me