Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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