Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
