I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Life is so much better after having sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
