I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.